fun things that happened this week

(no food, sorry . . . okay, there is a little at the end. the next three posts, I promise)

Despite the rollercoaster ride that has been working for GEOS this month, I still love my job. I mean it, I do. I LOVE my job, which is why I'm willing to fight so hard to keep doing it. I have not once woken up in the morning and thought, "Jeez, I really don't feel like working today." Now, I admit, I've woken up and thought, "Just the toddlers to get through, and I'm good for the day." But that's only on Friday and Saturday. Other than that, I enjoy coming in to work. Even when I have six hours between classes.

Which leads me to one awesome thing that happened this week: Rio's mother looking kind of shocked when I told her that. "You have 6 hours before your first class today? And you still come in? Why? What do you do?"

The answer to this demonstrates how focused I am on my own enjoyment: "Eh, it's more fun here than it is at my apartment. I hang out with Benni-sensei and Hitomi-san, I chat with Benni-sensei's students, I sit in my room and listen to my iPod."

Seriously, I have an awesome job. Two days a week, I can hang around in my jeans because my classes don't start until 6pm. Thursdays, we go out to lunch or make a big lunch at the school (this week, we went to a shabu shabu restaurant, which was highly entertaining). Wednesdays, I ride around in the afternoon and run all my little errands and get lunch at Beisia. Fridays, Benni-sensei and I sometimes go out for ramen and gyoza at 10pm. And on Saturdays, I'm done by 7pm. It's a terrific gig I've got here.

And, yes, I adore my students. Even my kid students have their moments.

1. I've mentioned my class with two 5-year old boys. I really can't stand N, because he will not do anything. I'd be happy if he'd just sit and make paper airplanes, but he's always distracting K, who will work for me. Today, K worked nicely on writing his letters, and then I had him practice writing his name. I wrote it out in the alphabet for him, and he copied it. Then, for the hell of it, I wrote his name in hiragana, and he clapped his hands and grinned at me. Not sure what it was about, but it was funny.

2. I have a class of 4 12-year olds who can be pretty funny and not so bad, if they're on task. For some reason, they got to practicing cursive writing; I have no idea how or why. So, I spent ten minutes showing them how to write their names in cursive. They also found my signature absolutely hysterical, but I've found that most Japanese do.

3. One of my students signed papers to buy a house this week, and he invited the whole class for the housewarming party in April. Actually, this is one of my favorite classes. They're a Tuesday class, so they were one of my first classes, and they welcomed me with sweets and fresh-ground coffee. I am so happy that they're sticking through the move.

4. Naofumi-san goes to Hamamatsu once a month for business, and he always brings something back for us. This time, he brought back tuna & cheese cubes. Now, I like tuna, and I like cheese, and I like it mixed together, so I thought this should be edible. Unfortunately, I was wrong. This may very well be the most disgusting thing I've ever eaten. I'm quite convinced that this is what catfood tastes like, because it certainly tasted the way cat food smells. The upshot is that Benni-sensei and Naofumi-san took great pleasure in laughing uproariously at my suffering.

It looks so innocent, doesn't it? And yet, it is a horrible, vile thing.

"vacation, all I ever wanted"

The next three posts after this will be about food, I promise. For now, life in general continues to be entertaining enough.

I made a show of thinking things over this past weekend (though, in reality, my mind was already made up), and then on Tuesday, I emailed the CDM trainer and told him that I was grateful for the information he gave me, but ultimately, I was not interested in a CDM contract. I cc'd it to my GEOS trainer as well.

The next day, I received a very polite and very icy reply from the CDM trainer, thanking me for being straightforward about my desires and informing me that he was looking for someone who would actually enjoy the job. It almost sounded like he was turning me down, like I had applied for the job. Benni-sensei read it too, and she said, "Why's he sound mad?" I explained that he'd lost a whole month in job recruitment because someone had mistakenly told him I wanted the job. Now he's under even more pressure. I can understand that he's a little unhappy with the situation. Benni-sensei didn't quite get it, but that's okay. I don't mind people being mad at me.

Then my trainer called and said that he'd met with the CDM trainer, who had basically flat-out refused to work with me. This did not upset me either, because the feeling was mutual. My trainer also sounded a bit irritated with me, especially when he asked me what my Plan B was.

My reply: "Uh, continue working as an adult teacher. Do I have a choice?" I had to explain that I wasn't refusing to go to the Ito Yokado school - I was just refusing to become a CDM teacher. My main complaint this past month was that I was being taken away from my students even when I was going to be present at the school.

Allow me to note that I really do feel like my students are being done a disservice by GEOS. First, the company planned to send them a sub teacher, which suggests to me a short-term situation. Second, we are not supposed to do any contract renewals, despite a couple of students asking to do them. Third, my trainer keeps dismissing their concerns about Ito Yokado as "silly - they'll get over it." The past two weeks, our students have become more vocal about their concerns because we've basically been told not to tell them anything. And then my trainer says, "Just don't say anything that will get them mad at the school." Yeah, that's not really necessary, because by saying nothing, they are getting mad at the company. I have tried to be honest with my students without making GEOS seem like some big bad dragon that has it out for them. Doing that would not make the situation better. But I'm not going to lie to them either. What I haven't done is come out and tell them what I really think, which is that GEOS doesn't care if they go to Ito Yokado or not. And Hitomi-san is 99% convinced that the CDM school would prefer for the adult students to just disappear altogether. She was told to encourage them to cancel their contracts.

My point here is that I'm concerned about my students, and I'm frustrated with GEOS because they aren't doing much to alleviate my concerns.

Then my trainer tells me that he still has to talk to customer service to get an idea of how many adult students are actually going to Ito Yokado. And if only a small number of them are going, then they will have to move me to another school.

"Okay," I said, because that had been the way it was described to me a month ago.

"Well, GEOS will not pay for your moving costs."

"That's alright, I understand."

"Of course, that's not certain. There's no telling if we have a school to send you to. You'll probably have to stay at Ito Yokado for a couple of months."

"I understand that too. It's no problem."

Actually, the idea of leaving Isesaki is not a pleasant one, but I'll do it if I have to. At this point, having lost a good number of my favorite students, I don't feel bad about the idea. And the more I learn about the problems at Ito Yokado, the less certain I feel about working there.

So, here we stand, sure about one thing only: the CDM NET trainer wants nothing doing with me and will not work with me. I consider that a good thing, especially if that means they won't try to recruit me again in the future. I'm sorry that there was this misunderstanding between us, but if he'd spoken to me at the beginning of February (rather than going through third parties, most of whom were Japanese), I would have told him then that I wasn't interested. I'm still not sure where the miscommunication came from, because I never told anybody that I wanted to be a CDM teacher. I didn't even agree to take it into consideration. The first time my trainer spoke to me about it, I told him how I felt. So, I'm sorry the CDM trainer wasted his time believing that I was the solution to his problem. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give in and do what they all wanted me to do. That's just not the way I am.

In other news, I decided to take a vacation, as a number of people have suggested to me. In two weeks, I am going to spend four days in the Mt. Hakone/Mt. Fuji area. I'm staying at a hostel near Mt. Hakone for two nights, then moving to a very posh-looking French-style hotel near Mt. Fuji for one night. I am very much looking forward to this. But, no, I do not plan on climbing Mt. Fuji. That should be saved for a future summer. After much training, I should think.

I am hoping that March turns out to be a nicer month to me than February has (shouldn't be too difficult, considering that February is the cruelest of all months). In addition to the trip to Hakone/Fuji, a group of our students wants to take Benni-sensei and me to Kawagoe, and I'm excited about that, mainly because of how awesome said students are. They're a very amusing group of ladies. And tomorrow night, I'm going to Maebashi for a takoyaki/gyoza party. Ah, see, things are looking better already!

philosophical addendum

I guess the major problem I'm having with this move to Ito Yokado is that I don't want to be taken advantage of by my company. Why is that so wrong?

I understand well and good that a corporation will do what it has to in order to survive - but why should I give up my happiness and my integrity for it? Especially when said company has shown no concern for me personally? Why are people expected to take all the crap their company shovels out to them and eat it with smiles on their faces? Why do we have to settle for doing something we don't like simply because "it's our job?" Am I just some kind of idiot who thinks you should do only what makes you happy?

Look, I know life is hard, and sometimes, you've got to take the bad with the good. But, honestly, why would I lay down and let this company walk all over me? Why shouldn't I fight for what I want? Why shouldn't I try to do what's best for me? Why shouldn't I enjoy my job?

What makes it worse is that I have been enjoying my job. I LOVE my job as it is right now. Shouldn't I fight to keep it? Shouldn't I try to hold on to it? Is that wrong?

All I want is to be happy. Is that too much to ask?

not as mad as it seems

The problem with text is that you can't really hear the degree of emotion in the words. Sarcasm rarely translates well through text. It's hard to make sentimentality work without sounding cheesy or treacly. Apparently, frustrated confusion comes out more like anger than anything else.

My last post seems to have been interpreted as angry, so I want to clear the air a little. When I read the post, it doesn't sound terribly angry to me - but then, I know how I was feeling at the time, and there's no word in the English language to describe that feeling. It was (and for the most part, still is) a combination of frustration and bafflement. Frustration that I seem to have little control over my livelihood and bafflement at how I'm being treated by people who told me that they were here to help me. I also feel that I was lied to, which does make me a little mad. More importantly, though, I'm disappointed by it. I've communicated my wants to my bosses - indeed, I was asked to do so - but thus far, I've mostly been ignored. I think I have the right to be a little angry. I also think I have the right to be more than a little frustrated, because this is my life we're talking about, and I'm the one who should have the most control over it.

Let me say this: I don't talk to anyone at GEOS this way. After all, this is a blog, and let's face it, bloggers are stereotypically angry people. Blogging's a harmless way to get it all out. I feel it's okay to have an angry blog once in a while, considering that most of my blogs are about how much I enjoy my life here in Japan. I still love my life here in Japan, and that's one reason I'm upset - taking away my adult classes is going to take away a lot of what I love about life. I happen to be one of those people who believes that if you're not happy in your job, what's the point of doing it?

It's difficult for me to accept my lack of control in this situation, especially because my trainers made me feel like I had some say in my job. It also makes the possibility of going into a CDM situation worse because I don't trust them anymore. When they say they'll give me support, I don't believe it. When they say they'll do what they can for me, I don't believe it. They said that three weeks ago, and I'm worse off than I was before.

I'm leaving the post up, because it is how I felt that night when I got home. I was confused, and I was frustrated, but I wasn't really mad. I will amend one sentence, and that's my closing statement. It's true that they can put me in a CDM classroom and tell me to teach it, and it's true that I'll do what I can - but I doubt very much that I'll enjoy it. The only thing that really made me truly angry was being told that I would learn to enjoy it. That's an assumption of character that should not be made, especially considering I had just told him that of all my classes, I like the CDM ones the least. That he made that statement proved to me that he hadn't been listening to me and that it was on my shoulders to take the job and be happy about it. But he's not the one teaching there, I am, and I know what I'm capable of. And after 4 months of enduring CDM classes because it's a necessary part of my job, I know well enough that I don't want to spend all of my working time with kids. I do not like playing the games, I do not like singing the songs, and most of all, I hate the puppets. I'm afraid I cannot put a lot of effort into that which I do not like. This is what I meant: they can put me in that classroom, but that doesn't mean I will excel at or enjoy it. I will do what I did when I was teaching American high school: I will survive. I will do what is necessary. That is all. That was a rewardless job. I expect this one will be fairly similar.

And I understand that GEOS has to do what it has to do, but I do not believe that it needs to stomp all over its employees and customers while it does it. It will do so, of course, but I think it's only reasonable to react with a little emotion. I'm a human being not a Tetris block. They can't just decide what to do with me and expect me to have no feelings about it whatsoever. I'll get over, yes, but I won't forget it. And I have enough of my youth left in me to feel that I should be doing what I want to do, what I like to do. I will hold to my contract, but I will not be treated as anything less than a human being. I deserve a little bit of respect.

There, that's what's really bothering me about this situation. I'm expected to respect my company and my bosses, but I have received no respect from them. And I have to sit back and watch them disrespect my students as well, and I am unable to do anything about it. That's the problem. That's what upsets me.

It's still a hell of a way to run a railroad. I will be civil, and I will be cooperative, but I will not forfeit my own happiness for a company that treats me as a thing, as something to be shuffled around for their needs and not mine. Maybe that makes me selfish, but I believe I was put on this world to be happy, and that is my foremost concern. I'm not a self-proclaimed cynic for nothing.

why my students are the awesome

I love my students, I really do. They're all generally nice people, and they work hard and do their best. And they are sincere about things. It's unfortunate (but understandable) that so many of them are cancelling their classes because of the school situation. Some of them have gone to visit Ito Yokado and have come back disappointed. No surprise, because the Ito Yokado school is a joke. In a cruel twist of fate, the punchline is my own misery.

Wait, this is a post about how much I like my students. Right.

First, I don't deserve their praise and loyalty - a number of them are transferring to the Ito Yokado school because I'm going there too. (no word yet on what I'll actually be teaching, but it damn well better be the adult classes . . . that's another rant, and I'm trying to be positive here) Suffice to say that they apparently like the way I teach. Go figure.

Second, they bring me things that they think I'll like. I am terribly unworthy of their gifts and so am very grateful whenever they think of me. That feeling is completely indescribable.

I love wagashi (Japanese sweets), especially daifuku, which most of my students find endearing. The above feast of wagashi was brought to me by a couple who take a private lesson. The yellow blocks are made of a sweet potato paste (delightfully yummy, not too sweet), while the white (plain mochi) and green (mugwort mochi) daifuku are filled with anko. The pink balls are wrapped in oak leaves and are traditional treats for Children's Day in May (though Hitomi-san tells me it's also for Girls' Day in March). It's an interesting combination of flavor - and yes, the oak leaves are completely edible and really make the overall experience worthwhile.

Another of my students likes to make sweet things every once in a while - she's brought cookies and caramels before. On Tuesday, she brought little tarts for everyone. A chocolate-almond tart and a lemon cream tart with fruit. Both of them were absolutely delicious.

And practically all of our students enjoyed the peanut butter balls, which I neglected to take a picture of. Oh, well.

In other news, February continues to suck major chicken balls. And only about 10% of that suckage has to do with the weather.

a failure to communicate

If only I could say it was a language issue, but honestly, I think it's more of a listening issue.

The lady in charge of the Codomo school at Ito Yokado (henceforth known as That Woman) has spent the past two weeks telling us simple folk at GEOS Isesaki what's doing. She does this in such a way that Hitomi-san will drop whatever she's doing and work on whatever it is That Woman wants her to do, despite the fact That Woman is not her boss and, indeed, has no right to tell any of us what to do. She's been making all sorts of decisions and insuinating to Hitomi-san that they are all official.

Note: That Woman has yet to speak directly to me, but she feels she has free reign to decide what to do with me.

Further, That Woman has also yet to have any sort of communication with my trainers, meaning that none of them have approved any of the decisions she's made. These include my schedule and the addition of another GEOS teacher to come to Ito Yokado two days a week to teach. Apparently, she's unconcerned that this other teacher is transferring to another school entirely and isn't available to come to Ito Yokado at all.

I spoke to one of my trainers last Friday, and he assured me that nothing That Woman has decided is official or even likely to happen. Any firm decisions made about me will come from GEOS, not from GEOS Codomo, and thus I should generally ignore anything That Woman says. Which I will gladly do.

So, as far as what the hell I'm doing in the near future is concerned, I know as little about it now as I did two weeks ago. But I do know I should generally ignore That Woman and wait to hear from my trainers before panicking about anything. Also, I am not in danger of becoming a Codomo-only teacher, which is perhaps my greatest fear, the mere thought of which makes me break into a cold sweat. The idea of teaching 30 classes of nothing but children is straight out of a nightmare for me.

The other problem is my co-workers. Don't get me wrong: I adore my co-workers, and they've shown a loyalty to me that I don't think I really deserve. But they're human, so they can be madly infuriating sometimes. One of my male students observed that giving advice to Japanese women is futile because, though they will listen and acknowledge the advice, they will ultimately reject it and continue to bemoan the situation, even if it's a good and reliable solution. I must, sadly, agree with him.

Hitomi-san is the more practical of my co-workers, recognizing the possibility of a bad situation when she sees one and not doing too much moaning about it. She tends to panic though, as she did on Thursday, when she called my trainer 10 times and emailed him thrice. I appreciate her concern, but I suggested that perhaps she was overdoing it a bit.

Benni-sensei, on the other hand, maintains a sentimental outlook on everything and becomes a confused, uncomprehending child whenever faced with something she doesn't like. When my trainer came to visit me last week, she spent half an hour trying to convince him not to close the school, like it was his decision in the first place. Once she gets an idea into her head, she clings to it, no matter how impractical it may be. She's the oldest of us, has more worldly experience, but it seems like sometimes we have to look out for her. She's forgetful, consistently late, terribly laidback, and a major pushover when it comes to kids. I get the feeling she spent too much time in California.

Anyway, my situation remains unchanged. For now, I'm definitely going to Ito Yokado, and the intent is for me to teach all of my old classes. That is, if my students don't all quit when they see how ridiculously small and inconvienent the Ito Yokado school is. However, I've had many of my students tell me (or Benni-sensei) how pleased they are that I will be teaching there, and that many of them want to continue their classes only if I'm their teacher. That's enough to put a bit of a thaw around the cold cockles of my heart. I'm unworthy of such loyalty.

my Japanese Valentine

Is there any point to St. Valentine's Day other than to coerce people into spending money?

(Alrighty, that's my anti-Valentine's Day statement for the year. I have nothing personal against the "holiday," I just don't see much of a reason for it. It is properly placed on the calendar, I will say that, considering the approach of spring and all.)

I got a little bit of chocolate from my girls today, and that's all (probably a good thing, considering the amount of peanut butter balls that's occupying my apartment), but there's also a good reason for it. Simply put, on Valentine's Day, guys are the ones who get the chocolate. The ladies do the buying and the giving and very little of the receiving. They give chocolates and a personal gift to their special someone, as well as small treats for the other men in their lives (friends, co-workers, family, etc.), so it can get a bit expensive sometimes. From my observation, it seems to be more of a holiday for the younger generations - the vast majority of candy purchasers at the mall on Wednesday were teenagers and twenty-somethings.

My contribution to this Valentine's week was peanut butter balls. I've been meaning to make them for a couple of months now, and I decided that it was about time I made them. They went over quite well, especially with the adults. Handmade treats always seem to please them, and they were amused by the idea of American peanut butter being so different from Japanese peanut butter (which is sweet and thin and not quite as flavorful). Also, most of them were impressed that it was an old family recipe, something that's well appreciated. Actually, the kids were the most reluctant to try it; several of them said they didn't like peanut butter. For the most part, they liked them after trying them. A couple of the boys even asked to take a couple home to their mothers. That's always nice. I'm planning on making them some cookies soon, this time with the shortening my parents sent me.

Returning to the topic of Valentine's Day. The gift-giving is reciprocated on March 14th - White Day. Having received candy, the guys are fairly obligated to return the favor. Interestingly enough, the candies and presents given on White Day are supposed to be more expensive than what one received on Valentine's Day. Say what you will, but Japanese vendors know how to get people to spend more money.

And if you're Korean, you can celebrate Black Day on April 14th if you received nothing on Valentine's Day or White Day. The custom is for these singletons to gather together at restaurants and eat noodles in a black bean sauce to confirm their single status.

ice pack . . . of the GODS!

Overall, my knees are healing pretty well. I'm going to have a wonderful scar on my left knee, and some bruising still remains. Over the weekend and into Wednesday, I was suffering from water on the knee, which was both kinda gross (and squishy) and fairly painful. I spent most of Wednesday walking around the mall in Maebashi with Kozue-sensei.

This is itself was enjoyable - as enjoyable as walking around a mall can be. Kozue-sensei needed to do some Valentine's Day shopping, but apparently so did every other woman in the mall. The Valentine's Day kiosks had definitely seen better days. The highlight of my time at the mall was the discovery that Japan has Baskin Robbins. And they sell crepes. This made me thankful that the mall is far enough away that I can't go there every day.

After all this, though, my knee was not in the best condition. It especially hurt when I was sitting down, so I decided it was time to get a wrap or a real ice pack for it, since I was going to be on my feet in the evening making peanut butter balls. Kozue-sensei took me to a drugstore and helped me pick out an ice wrap, which I put on as soon as I got home.

Instant relief. I hadn't realized how much heat was coming off my knee, and putting on the ice pack made a profound difference. I kept it elevated and still for about an hour and when I got up, I expected some stiffness or at least a little pain. Nope, it was quite painless and moved easily. Color me shocked. And completely appreciative.

Even when I woke up on Thursday, my knee still felt good. I iced it again last night, and I've noticed that there's much less swelling and fluid around the knee this morning. Since I'll be on my feet most of today, I'm thinking about wearing one to work. The important thing is that the achiness is finally going away, and maybe it won't be long before I can get back to working out - which is not exactly a positive incentive, but I need to stick to my schedule.

My head, by the way, is completely okay. Only a small lump and a little tenderness remains. There wasn't even a bruise or anything. Head wounds are so melodramatic, with their blood and severe immediate swelling.

Oh, and hey, today is Friday the 13th. Can't wait to find out what horrors await me today!

(and there's another one in March - 2009 must be one lucky year)

Japanese Food Journal: random food items

I planned on making peanut butter balls this evening, but I left the vanilla at the school, and considering I already changed into comfy clothes and have no desire to go back out into that cold wind, I'm once again delaying the candy-making. Wednesday, maybe, since I have the day off.

In the meantime, enjoy some pictures of random food items:

Let's start things off with my favorite vegetable: the mushroom! (yes, arguably, they're fungi, not vegetables, but this matters little to me.) Japan has wonderful mushrooms, and I've sampled a few of them. These are maitake or Sheep's Head mushrooms. They're delicious, which is reflected in their Japanese name: maitake literally means "dancing mushroom," because people supposedly danced for joy when they found them. We had them at our nabe party.

More mushrooms! Aren't they adorable? These are brown beech mushrooms (bunashimeji), and were very yummy sauteed and eaten with tofu. I've eaten them a couple times since then, and they're probably my favorite variety of mushroom now. Like most mushrooms, they have a bit of an earthy taste, but they're quite mild and delicate.

This is tamago kake gohan, which I often eat for breakfast now. It's steamed rice with a raw egg mixed in. It's delicious, especially with some sesame seed senbei. One of my students suggested it to me, explaining that it's a very filling and nutritious breakfast.

This is yaki manju, which is a specialty in Gunma. It's basically a grilled sweet bun covered in a sugary miso sauce. Some varieties have anko paste inside, but the Gunma variety is eaten plain. It's interesting, and very filling. I could only eat two. I'm fairly certain that I would like them better with the anko paste. Hitomi-san brought in cold yaki manju a few weeks ago, but the above buns were brought to us hot and fresh by one of Benni-sensei's students. Pretty good.

A while ago, I discovered this Minute Maid drink, which is aloe & white grape. It's awesome, especially because it has little pieces of aloe in it. That was surprising at first (I nearly gagged when I swallowed one because I had no idea what it was) but also pleasant. I immediately went to the internet, where I learned that not only is aloe edible, it's lauded for its health benefits, particularly in regards to digestion and immune system boosters. Keen, huh? Turns out that you can take any random aloe plant, skin it, chop it up, and eat it. Apparently, it has a bitter taste by itself, but when added to tea or yogurt, it's sweetened enough to be appetizing.

Not long after finding the drink, I found the aloe yogurt I'd read about. Not that great by itself, but with some granola or sweet crackers (something crunchy), it's pretty good. I usually eat yogurt as breakfast or a late-night snack, but I prefer the fig yogurt more.

I wrote down the name of this fruit, but I can't find it. Hitomi-san brought them in one day and gave me some (since then, she's also fed me chestnuts, seawead-based jello, and baked mountain potato - yaki-imo, which was unarguably the best of the lot). You rip the ends off and eat them with the peel on. They're like mini-kiwis. Not too bad.

And now for some non-Kit-Kat candy. The rose-strawberry combination attracted my attention, and I decided to give it a try.

This is the candy, after being bitten into. It has some kind of wafer on top, covering a rose-flavored mousse, all wrapped in a strawberry shell. Interesting combination. The rose is subtle but distinguishable and a bit intriguing.

Kozue-sensei usually brings me Kit-Kats when we get together, and last Friday, she also brought me this candy. I'm not sure how to explain it, and even Kozue-sensei and Benni-sensei were a little confused by it.

Here they are in their little packages. The one on the left is kinako mochi, which is a traditional treat around this time of year. It's baked mochi coated in soybean powder. The one of the left is matcha (green tea powder) flavored.

And here they are unwrapped. The mochi one (L) was yummy, but the matcha one was actually kinda gross. I found this unusual, as I generally like matcha-flavor. It had a jelly-like thing inside, and that was what I didn't like. The outside was okay.

And that is all for now. Another update on the school's situation is forthcoming, as soon as I get a little more information.

is it karmic retribution or just bad luck?

I'm starting to wonder if I inadvertently pissed off some cosmic deity that is now wreaking physical and emotional revenge on me. This has been a pretty crummy week so far, and it's not even over yet!

It started on Sunday, of course, with my crash on the bike (which was entirely my fault, I admit that). The weather's been pretty grey and crummy all week, and I'm officially sick of winter and ready for spring to get here. February is a dreary month, and it's that time of the year for the winter blues. Add in all this uncertainty about my future with GEOS, and this is the first week in Japan that I've felt the on-comings of a blue funk.

The situation with the school has been escalating, though I didn't realize it until today. Usually when I see Benni-sensei and Hitomi-san conferring quietly in the office, I mind my own business and let them come to me if it is my business. Turns out, today's conference was. After my afternoon class, I went in to mark attendance, and Hitomi-san told me that she had been told by the Ito Yokado school boss that she should make a schedule for me that combines my current schedule with the NET's schedule at the Kids' school. Essentially, I'm intended to take over his position when he leaves in April.

This is highly laughable - and also insane. The NET at Ito Yokado has 74 students and 30 classes; I have ~45 students and 22 classes. Also, I am supposed to take over Benni-sensei's students to, which would give me maybe 10-12 more classes (most of her students have said they prefer to quit). On this schedule of mine, I have an estimated 55 classes.

I never claim to be good at math, but even I realized that this wasn't adding up. My days are 9 hours long, and I work 5 days. That's 45 weekly hours for classses. Notice the number difference: I would have to work 11 hour days to get all those classes in, without breaks, the majority of them kids' classes.

Well, Hitomi-san was having a mental breakdown trying to get it to work, even though I kept telling her that it was impossible, and she finally called her boss to find out what the hell the deal was. I've made it pretty clear that I don't want to teach only kids classes, and I've been falling back on my boss's reassurance that that wasn't going to happen. However, Hitomi-san was informed that I was slated to take over the NET position at Ito Yokado and that the only classes to be sacrificed were the adult classes. GEOS has made that clear enough already, practically encouraging us to convince our students to quit rather continue their contracts at Ito Yokado.

This did - and to an extent still does - infuriate me. In January, I told my boss that under no circumstances did I want to become a kids only teacher, and he told me that wasn't what was going to happen. Either I go to Ito Yokado in essentially the same capacity I'm in now or I go to a new school - that's what I was told. Now, the Ito Yokado head is telling Hitomi-san that my boss "lied to" or "misinformed" me. Also, she told Hitomi-san not to show me the schedule or even speak to me about the proposed move to Ito Yokado. Thankfully, she ignored this.

I spent most of the evening working myself into an agitated state and consuming large quantities of chocolate. Because I have not been "officially" apprised of the situation, Hitomi-san didn't want me to contact my boss and demand an explanation. Instead, she sent him a harried email, to which he replied that he was "occupied" but that someone would contact me tomorrow. She gave him my available times, apologized to me profusely, and suggested that I not agree to anything that had to do with Ito Yokado, to tell my boss that I wanted to move and request an adult school and nothing else. She also told me the head of the Ito Yokado school was crazy, but I'd already figured that out.

Here's why I'm mad: I was told that I would go to Ito Yokado with my students, separate from the kids' school. I would not be replacing the NET there, who has been coerced into staying even though he's wanted to leave since October. And now, I'm starting to wonder if this was the plan - to have me replace him. I don't want to believe that my boss deliberately lied to me, so I'm anxious to talk to him to get the story straight. Because if I find out I'm being tricked into going to Ito Yokado as the only NET, I'll be very displeased indeed.

I talked with Benni-sensei a while after our last classes, then headed home. I decided that I needed a bath to relax me, so after my shower, I stayed in the bathtub to fill it up and relax. I'm sitting there, washing my still scabby knees and thinking about the screw-job that GEOS is doing to me and about how idiotic and enfuriating the whole thing is.

The next thing I know, I'm having some weird "Twilight Zone" moment where I have no idea where I am or what I'm doing. Complete disorientation, total black-out. And I'm aware of a dull pain on my forehead. I touch my fingers to the sore spot and discover that I have a ginormous goose egg developing. I think what happened is that the warmth of the air and the water overwhelmed me (taking Japanese hot baths is a lot like taking a sauna), and I passed out for a few seconds. I've gotten drowsy in them before, but I've never lost consciousness, until this time. I hit my head on the sink, and that brought me around again. I must have hit it pretty hard, because not only was there a large and lovely goose egg, but there's also a little scratch near the top.

My first thought was, "oh, crap I hope I don't have a concussion," especially after I stood up and was hit by a wave of dizziness and nausea. Nothing came of it, and I didn't feel confused and the dizziness passed quickly, so I figured I was mostly alright. My main problem now is that my arm is going to fall off because I'm holding this thing of whipped cream to my head.

I don't have any ice, but I do have this soft plastic bag of whipped cream. I used it on my knee the other day, and now I'm holding it to my head. My arm hurts. My head feels better - still a bit of pain, but it's very dull, and the swelling has gone down some. There's a bit of warmth, but that's to be expected. It's not fever, just some heat around the goose egg. And my hands are really cold too, so the heat feels even stronger.

Actually, my head feels a lot clearer now. I'm still mad that I'm being played like a chess piece in the grand GEOS scheme, but perhaps I'm also thinking about it too much and letting it get to me. I'm taking things too seriously, worrying about something that I can't do anything about yet. I should focus instead on what I want, what I need to do for myself. I also shouldn't get worked up about things when I don't have all the information. I'll speak to my boss, lay out my concerns and desires, and let it go from there. It's really all I can do.

In the meantime, I'll remember to pay more attention to my surroundings, to pay attention to the good things that are around me. One thing I'm still enjoying immensely is my classes. I hope that's something that never changes.

Also, gyoza party. All the gyoza I could eat (which amounted to too much), and good company as a bonus. Also, when our students came into the school, they all said pretty much the same thing: "Smells like a chinese restaurant!" We smelled like it too, on our clothes. Eau de gyoza, very nice.

more fun with seismic activity

My previous post mentioned that we had some earthquake activity recently. Turns out that the seismic forces at work weren't finished yet.

Asama-yama is an active volcano stuck along the border of Gunma-ken (where I live) and Nagano-ken, the prefecture to the west. Benni-sensei has told me about it, but you can't see it from Isesaki, considering that it's a good distance away and there are other mountains around besides. Its last eruption was in 2004, and this weekend, there were predictions that it would erupt because of recent small earthquakes within the volcano.

The eruption was recorded as starting very early Monday morning, initially with a tongue of lava shooting from the volcano, followed by smoke billowing out of the crater. Some large rocks were found a few kilometers away from the volcano, but there was no major damage done, as Asama-yama is located in very rural area. Ash was reported in Tokyo, but I didn't notice any here in Isesaki. It was pretty cloudy today, and considering I was out driving around with Benni-sensei, I probably would have noticed ash-fall. Or maybe it happened earlier in the morning - I didn't leave my apartment until about 2pm.

I probably wouldn't have found out about it until later today if my dad hadn't called me Monday evening to ask if I'd heard about it. He said he saw it on the news. I plan on asking Hitomi-san about it when I go into work today, she's usually aware of recent news events.

For a bit of information and a video of the eruption:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7864266.stm

GEOS Isesaki is SOL

GEOS seems to have made its own New Year's resolutions, which appears mainly to be that they will save as much money as possible. They're accomplishing this by closing down quite a few of their schools, and - in a turn of events that is not surprising to me in any way - Isesaki is one of the unlucky ones.

Technically, my school isn't fully closing - it's being merged with the local GEOS Codomo (kids') school, and head office wants us to encourage our students to move over to is. The Codomo school isn't very far away, and since their only other choices are Takasaki (1 hour away by car) or Ota (two hours away by car), head office is hoping that the majority of the students will simply opt for the new location.

Sounds good on paper, right? Merge two schools at the better location, making it more successful, and keep everyone happy in the process. Right, except that ideas that look good on paper rarely work properly in the real world. There are two major flaws in the logic.

1. The Codomo school is TINY. Yes, it's located in the Ito Yokado mall, but it's TINY. It occupies a little corner and is basically constructed of partition boards. There's a very small lobby, a miniscule office, and two average classrooms. The school already has about 70 kid students, and given that I have 40 students, nobody's convinced that schedules can be made to fit the classroom limitations. They could probably add some of the kids to my classes, but my classes are more expensive and aren't set up quite the same.

2. In the official letter to the students, it's stated that I will quite possibly not be the teacher at the "new" school. I can't read the letter because it's in Japanese, but Benni-sensei says it pretty much guarantees that they'll have a new native teacher. This is only partly true. If enough of my students agree to move their classes to the new location, then I'll be kept on as the native teacher. If too many of them decide to quit or go to different schools, then I too will be sent to a different school. Which means I'm facing the possibility of moving.

On principle, I don't mind moving. It's a hassle and will cause me problems, but the actual idea of moving isn't aggravating to me. The problem is that I don't want to move. I'm quite happy where I am - I like Isesaki, I like my students, I like my co-workers, and I don't want to have to get adjusted to a new place and a new school. The matter would be completely different if I was ready to move on, but I'm not. I'm very comfortable here, and I'm not ready to move on yet. In other worse, I like moving but not being told I have to move. Of course, I don't like being told what to do in general, so I'm unhappy anyway.

Right now, I don't know for certain what will happen to me. I'm hoping that the majority of my students decide to move to the Ito Yokado school, thereby allowing me to continue teaching them, which would make everybody happy (as Hitomi-san reports it, everyone's more worried about changing teachers than changing location, which I take as a compliment). But we can't tell them that I might be able to stay in Isesaki, which might encourage them to just cancel classes altogether.

I should know for certain what's happening to me by the middle of February, once we know what our students want to do. Our last day of classes will be March 31st, so at least I've got two more months to enjoy myself here. Although I don't like the idea of leaving Isesaki and getting settled in someplace new, I'm not completely against it. It's not like I have any choice in the matter. And Benni-sensei thinks I'd be placed somewhere else in Gunma or one of the neighboring prefectures, so maybe I won't be completely from everyone. After all, these are the people who are my first Japanese friends, and I really like some of them.

So, I'm still waiting to see what happens. For now, I'm just going to enjoy my time in Isesaki while I can. It's just another bend in the road that I'm approaching, and I won't know what happens until I get there.

the dangers of night riding

I've mentioned before (in my Kamakura post) that my night vision isn't that great. I know this and even accept it, but apparently, my subconscious feels the need to remind me of it every once in a while.

I've ridden home from the Isesaki train station at night a number of times now, and it's lit rather decently, so I thought I knew my way around it alright. To get from the bike park to the road, you have to cross a street and get up on the sidewalk. Well, I forgot that the sidewalk had a curb to it; I saw it too late and plowed right into it. I'm not even sure if I had time to hit the brakes. One moment, I was thinking, "Oh, crap, I'm going to hit that curb, I should do something about it," and the next, I was flying off my bike. I always thought that flying over handlebars was an exaggeration, but it turns out that it's entirely possible if you hit something head on. I didn't exactly shoot over the handlebars, but I did get kinda flung over them, to painful results. Of course, I landed heavily on my knees, but my right foot got caught on the pedal and sort of broke my fall on that side. It also pulled my shoe off.

My initial reaction to this was typical for me: I laughed uproariously at my complete and total idiocy. Yes, when I injure myself, I laugh. A string of expletives also came out as I berated myself, but mostly I laughed. I also inspected the knees of my jeans because I could feel that my knees were badly damaged and I was wearing my favorite pair. Miraculously, they came through unscathed. My knees themselves were not so lucky, especially my left one. I could feel dampness and immediate swelling.

I was still gathering my wits about me when I noticed two young Japanese men approaching slowly on their own bikes. I didn't think I was able to get myself up yet, so I tried to scoot out of the way to let them pass. I can only imagine what they were thinking (crazy drunk foreigner, probably - I was, after all, sitting on the sidewalk with only one shoe and laughing about the fact that I'd just crashed), but they very kindly stopped to help me. One them picked up my bike and inspected it for damages while the other helped me up. They were very nice, and one of them pointed out my completely useless light and kept saying, "Broke? Broke? Need fix." I'm not sure if he thought it was broken in the fall or if he was telling me to get it fixed (and therefore avoid any further accidents), but I appreciated the concern. I've been meaning to get it fixed ever since I got the bike.

They asked me several times if I was alright, and after making a show of inspecting myself and thanking them profusely in Japanese (which is one thing I can do and do well - they certainly appreciated it and shook their heads and said, "no problem, it's ok, it's ok"), they continued on their way. I took a few more moments to collect myself before setting off on my journey home, which takes about 20 minutes.

I immediately noticed that my handlebars were a bit cockeyed, and my tires were definitely a little flatter than before. There wasn't enough light to really see how bad the damage is, so I'll have to do a more thorough inspection in the morning. I'll probably have to take it to Cainz Home and get some work done on it. The least I should do is get that stupid light fixed.

That was the least of my problems, though. It rained the past two days, and now that lovely mountain wind is blowing through the valley, and I AM SO SICK OF IT THAT I COULD SCREAM. My students just shrug and say, "That's Gunma!" but they're not out riding their bikes around in it, are they (well, maybe Naofumi-san is, but he's a road racer and is therefore more capable of dealing with such conditions, and when I mention the weather, he just grimaces and complains about it too). It's bad enough when my knees don't hurt, but I thought I was going to pass out from sheer exhaustion. However, this did assure me that my knee hadn't been completely destroyed; I could still muster some form of locomotion, which I doubt would be possible if I'd broken my kneecap.

Currently, I am in great pain, so knowing that I was able to walk and ride on it comforts me. The numbness in my knee (either from the initial pain or the incredible cold) has worn off, and great bolts of agony rip down my knee into my leg whenever I move. I have a very beautiful strawberry forming on that left knee, and it's swelling to a nice size. My right knee is a little skinned and swollen, but it's otherwise fine. It might have a little bruising tomorrow, but I'm sure the left one will be the show stealer. Well, at least I'll have a story to tell my students.

Speaking of students, I do have some bad news about GEOS Isesaki, but I feel that I've had enough hardships for tonight, and I don't really want to write about it. Tomorrow, I'll get to it. Right now, I just want to eat a lot of chocolate and watch a movie or something that doesn't require a lot of my energy.

And, just for the sake of entertainment, chew on this: I slept through an earthquake this morning. Well, not exactly slept - it did wake me up. At first, I thought my (already very strange) dream was getting weirder, and then I realized I was awake. It wasn't strong at all, just a weak shaking, like someone picking up the apartment building and jostling it about. I heard some dishes clanking about in the sink, but that was it. It didn't last very long; I'm not entirely sure because I was half-asleep. I also feel immediately back to sleep when I heard birds start singing again.

When I woke up, I went online to see what I could find about it, mostly to prove to myself that it wasn't a dream. An earthquake did indeed occur, just a little before 7am, approximately 18 miles off the coast and of 5.8 magnitude. Apparently, no damages were reported.

It turns out that this is not the first earthquake since I arrived in Japan: there was one in December too, also off the coast and would probably have been felt inland. I do not recall this at all.